Sunday, July 16, 2006


my non Malawian readers and some naive readers ,I strongly suspect they will take this article as a smear.For that reason, I need to point this out that the article here in being refered to as MPASU THE GRAVEYARD DEMOCRAT " is not my making.I am not making this up".Mr Mpasu,former speaker of parliament and now spokesperson of the United Democratic front was discovered in the graveyard in a kooky position by Villagers at around 20hours.
Any political philosophy has its nuts. Mpasu"GRAVEYARDISM" is no worse than any other in this regard"
Reading and hearing comments from most Malawians over the issue, I got the impression that Mr Mpasu will enter into our history books as the all time entertainer since independence. We have all enjoyed his twist on the graveyard dilemma and experiences as the villagers were closing in on him as well as when the nation was misspelling an important word or phrase about his graveyard machinations. This mind-boggling discovery of him squatting between tombs has made others develop theories but to his relief none of them came close to accusing him of “a political hereditary witch “

UDF party spokesperson was allegedly "impeached from the graveyard" by the villagers who found him and his which doctor having a " constructive ritual-medicinal bath" in the process abrogating his long held Christian values which forbids followers to seek help from foreign gods.

You may wish to be reminded that the man who I suppose was trying to bring "democracy to the dead" is in fact a leading presidential aspirant and publicity secretary not least spokes person of the former president.

It is not quite clear whether he went there in his official or personal capacity
I am aware that others are linking the debacle to his own going field york case.

However several theories have since developed

The first one was that he went there to consult on "CHITAKA" this allegedly follows revelations by the party that it is broke. Understandably, the party needs some funds to finance its long postponed convention which analysts continue to doubt the likelihood of its “happening”

The second theory is that considering the geographic position [MACHINGA] The former speaker of parliament and minister of information went there to set a video conference with the party's chairman who is in the UK recovering from a spine operation.

Could it be that he was briefing the press when the villagers stormed the graveyard studios? we can only speculate
What ever happened, he has a consolation from me because I don't believe in those teachings. My pastoral Dad thinks “NDIMAFANO”

Of course, you don't have to actually belong to a coven in order to be thought of as a Witch, you can bluff your way into being accepted as a fully fledged converted Christian with no links to Witchcraft society while acting in the most strange and dubious ways which may include getting lost into the graveyard at 8pm by ignoring a signpost which was never there in the first place and went on to take an imaginary detour which eventually leads you into the cemetery.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy this scenery on a detour.
As a politician, Mr Mpasu has played his cards very well by adhering to the political rules suggesting thus:
No matter how often you're scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout, run right back and make friends.
Very very surprising indeed that those who thought he was finished politically must have been surprised to see a court jam packed by well wishers

Some one once said “when trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.My apologies here.Mpasu is not crazy, just that we are yet to be schooled on his notion of GRAVEYARDISM

Whether this will have an impact on his political ambitions is anybody’s guess but one thing for sure, questions will always be raised when he makes a public comment on behalf of the UDF party.
“From which graveyard was he commenting ?”

And most likely, the UDF organizing committee will make it a point that a graveyard must be nearby whenever a rally is being conducted
Matter of fact, I am anxious to know his manifesto as the race for leadership tightens in the UDF
Will it look like:
- I will create more graveyards when elected leader of UDF
-I will liberalize all graveyards to make sure that they can be visited after 8pm
-I will make Mr. Hadji my graveyard advisor because Malawi needs a strong and vibrant graveyard economy

-If elected leader of the UDF, I will seek to apply for exclusive dealership of all graveyards in the eastern region in honor of father and founder of the UDF party.

However, I am only worried on the degree of mediocrity on the part of those who aspires to lead us one day or the other. How do we expect development with this dubious mentality?

I hear the NEC, hurriedly arranged a meeting to contain the scandal from spilling out into the party
The first proposals was to allege that" Mr. Mpasu was rigged into the graveyard"
However this was shot down by a wise NEC member that " Mr. Mpasu was not an election therefore cannot be rigged" This is when they came up with the idea suggesting that he was "tricked"
Hang on a second; it was 8pm at night. A car was parked within the graveyard prinstinct, he cant claim to have missed the signpost because we don't have graveyard signposts. Beside, graveyards in Malawi are uniquely forested and are often a mile or so from the village.

Mr. Mpasu knew he was going to the graveyard
There were three people namely Mr. Mpasu, the witchdoctor and his driver
The driver stayed in the car as the two consenting adults[Mr. Mpasu and his traditional gynecologist] entered the land of the dead

SO, WHO tricked WHO?

After this analysis by the wise NEC member, memories were taken back and in no time all faces were down for 5 minutes or so.
Then after a while some in the middle of quietness and silence said "HHm!!!!!"
The whole NEC burst into laughter" hahahahahahahahahaahahahahah
It went on and on until they all decided thus:
This explains why the party has decided to offer no "comment" but deep down their hearts, their comment is "hahahahahahaaha"

whatever it is, there is a strong belief that society is now moving towards civilized society. In the MCP era such encounters would have been met by public humiliation which among other things would have seen Mpasu being dragged into the mad dam with his face squeezed with cattle and pig dung where as during UDF era, he would have been set alight through mob justice.

To day, society took him to the police where he was judiciary charged. That considering the sensitivities of the case is a mile stone. It means even the rural public have confidence in the police system. It is also encouraging to note that as a society saddled by strong believes in all kinds of superstition voodooism, gophering, tricking and conjuring is now looking at the same thing in a rather comic way.

It seems to me here that although society has made progress in as far as belief in magic is concerned; Mr. Mpasu –publicity secretary of UDF and his friend, think that for one to find Job, he or she must first consult witchcraft doctors.
I have no idea what sort of government Mr. Mpasu will be leading when he assumes leadership of UDF where decisions will be made in the graveyard.

I cannot think of a worst scenario than that of a situation where the World Bank or IMF or indeed diplomatic community exchange credentials at Misessa grave yard

Bright Mac Everson Malopa

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